Catholic School Girl Joke

JOKE:

A bus load of Catholic School Girls gets hit by a train and they all die and get sent to heaven. When they arrive in heaven St. Peter has them all line up in front of the Pearly white gates and asks the first girl in line "have you ever came in contact with any part of the male anatomy?" The first girl replies "I did touch the tip of IT with my finger once" So St. Peter says okay and dips her finger in holy water.

Then St. Peter asks the next girl in line the same question and she replies "I stroked a thingy once" so St. Peter says okay and dips her whole hand in holy water.

Then there is this big commotion in the back of the line and this one girl pushes her way to the front. St. Peter asks the girl "What seems to be the problem" The girl replies "If I have to gargle this holy water then I want to do it before Sara sticks her ass in it"

Good joke. Everybody laugh. Roll on snare drum. Curtains. Fade to black!

Sipping Vodka (JOKE)

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.

After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done.

The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the Monsignor's advice.

At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink.

He proceeded to talk up a storm.

Upon his return to his office after the mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.
2) There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3) There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4) Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5) Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6) We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7) The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the spook.
8) David slew Goliath; he did not kick the shit out of him.
9) When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10)We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11)When Jesus broke the bread at the last supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me".
12)The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry".
13)The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, Yeah God.
14)Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's not a peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

Enjoy!

My 1st offical Blog EVER!

HURRAH!

Well, as the title states this is my very first actual blog, yah I have other places where I "blog" things but they are just sites I frequent that happen to have a "mini blogging" feature to them. Nothing as formal as this place that's an actual BLOG site - woohoo

I guess I could start by telling ya how I

wound up here. It all started on a windy fall day just last week. My brother brought home a spider that he rescued (it was blowing down the road) and we had no idea what kind of spider it was. So me being the computer freak of my family got on the interwebs and began my search... I came across the allexperts.com page & searched under spiders & insects. There you can ask experts questions, I asked Eric R. Eaton (Entomologist) what kind of spider I had & even sent a picture. He replied quickly and his answer was helpful & entertaining too. BTW it was a jumping spider & it's kinda cute too (normally spiders freak me out but that's another blog) Since he was so helpful & interesting I checked out his info in more detail & I wound up here reading his "Bug Eric" blog & I thought "ehh why not do my own blog thing" and there ya have it!

Well, that was my intro to the site maybe next time I'll do an intro of myself or something like that!!! ^_^